So Koemans pre match team talk with the players goes-

RK-"So,today we are going to play Sonck on the right wing"

De Ridder thinks to himself (What the F**k?)

RK-"...and Yannis up front"

DdR-still thinking(I dont be-f***ing leave it)

RK-"Nigel.....your in at centre half"

NdJ-"Yeah but boss,thats not really my position"

RK-Looking in the mirror"Isnt my shirt with the white collars really schmart"

NdJ-"....er Boss,maybe if I could play in midfield"

RK-"Schtop it Nigel,dis is total football.Ok Maxwell I want you to play as the right winger"

MAX-"But boss Im left footed"

RK-"You are?......Excellent.... its the last thing the opposition will be expecting.Thats what makes me such a great coach,I can confuse the opposition"

VdV-"But boss,we are confused"

Rk-"Right....now we need somebody to get stuck in in the midfield......hmmmm..somebody big strong and fierce........De Mul,your the man for this job I think"

TdM-(In a high pitched girly voice coz his balls havnt dropped yet).....What...me (getting worried).....wont it be rough in midfield"

RK-"No dis will be fine,dis is what total football ish all about.Ok Raffie,you can have a free role to wander about near the photographers so they can get some nice pictures of you for the fashion magazines"

VdV-"Thanks boss........has anybody seen my hairdryer"

Rk-(To Ruud Krol)"Ok so what positions do we still have to fill?"

RKr"Left back"

Rk-"Ok Sneijder...you can play there today.Right now Rosales.....I want you to play in the hole behind the front man.

ROS.(Who only speaks Argentinian)"........er da coachio est fukina twato....."

Rk-"Ruud.....whats the Argentinian for total football?"

DdR-"What about me boss?"

Rk-"You will get your chance Daniel.......when we are 3-0 down with five minutes to go I will be sending you on dont worry.Dis total football.....isnt it great!!!"